Satire Hour: The 15 Types of People Seen at a Congressional Town Hall

Who actually attends these town halls, though? While the average of member of Congress represents 765,000 people, the Congressional Management Foundation reports the average attendance at the town hall is just 20 to 40 people… and they often look something like this:

• The Student – Whatever it takes for that extra credit, right?
• Senior Citizens – Always up for an excuse to leave the house. This is the highlight of their week, didn't you know?
• The Indivisibles - 20 activists responding to a BlueSky post telling them the come for some cathartic yelling. Does it matter which member it is or if they even live in the district? Not to them!
• The Very Confused – They have a real problem; it’s just not one the federal government has anything to do with. They should have figured out to call their county commissioner, but Googling things takes away valuable complaining time.
• The Conspiracy Theorist - Lunatics there to tell everyone about the latest conspiracy theory they read online. They even brought their own flyers about how cell towers are giving people cancer and the dangers of chem trails.
• Hippies – There to drop “truth bombs,” wave crystals, and purge the bad vibes… whatever that means.
• The Time Suck – Every staffer there silently groaned when they heard this windbag start talking. They all know the Time Suck’s voice from their daily call to complain about yet another imaginary or insignificant issue.  
• The Lazy Influencer – They went, but only on their social media. 9AM is just, you know, way too early to actually be somewhere in person.
• Libertarian Weirdo – Declining test scores, poverty, long wait times at the DMV; no matter what problem you think the country is facing, they already have a 20-minute monologue to explain how everything will be sunshine and roses once we go back to the Gold Standard.
• The Veteran – They served their country proudly and now they just need two minutes of the Representative's time to get some desperately needed help unsticking their long-delayed VA benefits. Let’s hope they get a break between the screamers to ask an actual question.
• The Fake Egalitarian– They say they're there to stand up for the forgotten and downtrodden, but they seemed half-asleep till someone mentioned the Center for Sponsored Coastal Ocean Research Coastal Ocean Program. Now, there’s apparently a full-frontal attack on democracy and the impoverished. Or maybe it has something to do with their Ask Me About Our Coasts bumper sticker.
• The Delusional – They’ve got a genius proposal to pitch on how to fix America’s biggest problems. It sounds wonderful as long as you know nothing about economics, science, law, finance, or human behavior.
• Party Hacks – Strategically placed throughout the seats to clap or boo as much as needed.
• The Tracker – The 20-something year old quietly sitting in the third row with a camcorder. Paid to be there to discreetly document everything and mostly thinking about where they’re getting lunch when this is all over.
• The Staff – Bored, annoyed at wasting their Saturday here, and just praying that nothing from today ends up on CNN. Or worse yet—a news channel people actually watch.

It’s hard to imagine why members of Congress think there may be better ways to do community outreach than the good old fashioned town hall. If you do go to one though, probably worth bringing some popcorn.

(READ MORE: "Conservative Influencer" Lindy Li’s Ties to the CCP Go Deeper than We Knew)